My Problem With Autochorisexualism

Autochorissexual: A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein. Commonly found in asexual people; an analogous feeling may occur in aromantic people for romantic fantasies.

Okay, this is something I’ve never said before, but I really have a problem with this sexuality being tossed around in the ace community. It bugs me, and it’s bugged me since I first heard the term, and I’ve only just come to a conclusion as to why.

It’s Too Much Information.

When a straight girl hits on a gay guy, chances are (if he’s comfortable with being “out”) he’ll say something like “sorry, I’m gay” or “you’ve got the wrong parts” or “I’ve got a boyfriend.” Putting aside the cisnormativity of that second one, generally that’s all the information he’s gonna give a stranger about his sexuality.

He likely won’t start trying to prove that he’s actually gay by describing what he feels when he’s thinking lustfully about a guy, or how he reacts first. He won’t mention that (x) fantasy makes him want to do (y) thing in bed, or that (a) porn makes him want to (b).

Thus, my discomfort with the rising popularity of the term autochorissexualism. It feels akin to exposing oneself to a person who didn’t consent to seeing the exposed person’s body, like it’s oversharing about a person’s sex life or attractions. If a straight girl hits on an asexual guy, then, why should he feel the need to try to prove his existence by pointing out that oh, he still feels arousal? 

Perhaps some of this discomfort of mine comes from the need many asexual people, myself included, feel to fit in, to normalize ourselves so that people don’t judge us when yet again, we’ve failed to produce a child or obtain a partner because of lack of interest. To argue against the confusion of allosexual people by seperating libido from attraction.

Being asexual, to me, is like being “gay” to the “straight (allo)” people who would hit on us or try to win our affection, or doubt us. So it feels angry and stupid and gross that we as asexual people have come to feel so unaccepted that we need to create a word for how our libido and attraction are seperate, so that we can explicitly tell people that we feel arousal and fantasize and so on.

Most people wouldn’t share information like that unless the topic came up with someone they trusted- in my life, in fact, I’ve never once had a conversation where it was apropriate for any of us to describe/mention how we experienced sexual matter. Why should we have a word for our blogs and pages, for our “about me’s” and bios and our Facebook timeline so that anyone who doubts our sexualty can package us back into their narrow, safe little world where everyone has a libido or is not sex repulsed or sex-uninterested?

Why do we need this word?

EDIT: There was a post on tumblr recently which I am too lazy to post but which discusses the etiquette of other people’s coming out to/around you, and one of the examples given was “I’m kinky.” Following this were several outraged posts and a general uproar of disapproval that people were equating this TMI statement with confessing your sexuality, gender identity, or queerness to another person.

That’s kind of how I feel about the sudden rise in the use of the word autochorisexual.

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5 thoughts on “My Problem With Autochorisexualism

  1. “Thus, my discomfort with the rising popularity of the term autochorissexualism. It feels akin to exposing oneself to a person who didn’t consent to seeing the exposed person’s body”

    To my knowledge, the term autochorissexual isn’t something people come out as… Do people do that?

    • Ah, I spend a lot of time in the tumblr community, and I have seen about nine posts explaining autochorissexuality and on everyone, comment after comment to the effect of “this is me!!! Using this from now on!!!” And it felt like too much. 😛

  2. The way I see it, it’s not so much a label people need to put up where everyone/anyone can see it and it isn’t any way to introduce yourself, but I think it helps asexual people to realize that their identity is not invalid because they have a libido. I think most people see this as a term that describes them, so they have something solid to hold onto and feel less weird. But I do think it’s unnecessary for someone to throw this out there as a means of validating their identity to somebody else.
    If this makes sense.

  3. I agree with this, mostly. I don’t think it’s a sexual orientation any more than “blondes,” or “butts,” is, but it’s a useful word to describe an experience, that of experiencing a disconnect between one’s self and sexual fantasies (I have ’em, but I’m not in ’em, so to speak).

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