Romance in Today’s World

I find myself, often, making comments about how I am “forever alone”. This is strange, because it shouldn’t bother me.

I am asexual, insomuch as I have never looked at another person and felt sexual attraction towards them. This does not mean that I have no sex drive- it just means that it’s directed inwards, instead of at other people. This also does not mean that I have never thought about what having sex with a given person would be like- again, it’s simply never become attraction.

And I am aromantic, in that I’ve never met a person and wanted to date them, or even be romantic with them. I’m not sure if this is because I’ve never met the right person, or I am truly aromantic.

In any case, these factors shouldn’t matter, but they do. Because in the world I live in, the world I was born into, everyone is expected to have a significant other. People wonder if I like a given man or woman, people ask me to have children, or who my crush is. I have been asked if I was gay, “because that’s alright,” when I told people I didn’t have a crush.

In this society, my worth as a person, as a woman or a man, is lessened by being single. Never mind that in my faith (yes, I am a trans* asexual aromantic practicing Roman Catholic), there are three vocations: single, married, and priesthood/religious life (nuns, monks, sisters, etc.) It is crippling for me to always be measured by what I don’t have, rather than what I do.

I have a sense of humor. I can sing rather well, when given the opportunity. I have read a lot, and am at least marginally knowledgeable in a myriad of topics. I’m polite to people (usually), and I’ve been told I make a very good friend. I’m trustworthy, and I’ve been keeping one secret for almost a decade without ever letting on that I know it.

I’m not bragging. I am, instead, emphasizing my good points (some of them) to make a point. I am enough, on my own. I, as a person, am capable of being whole and complete without a significant other. I feel no emptiness in my heart that stems from a lack of a partner.

This is my message. I don’t need a significant other, and I don’t want one. Please, please, please, stop emphasizing the trope that I need a person at my side to be happy, because I don’t. But it hurts me when I feel like I’m missing out on any joy I may experience later in life, because of the opinion others hold that I need another person.

~Terrance

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